Band: final closure n Lingering

i have really waited for so long for this moment to arrive , and finally it did cum..unexpectedly. one of the major heartache of the first 3 mths in aj was weather to quit band or not. this significant decision will mark the end of my v.tumourous 3 mths

initally , i thought that band was my natural choice for cca as i had joined it for 4 yrs in northbrooks....gladly i joined it . i must say even band was a culture shock for me..in a band where majority of the memebers were from reputable school bands..they really knew their stuff, something which i totally respect them for that..they know their tone from their dynamics, side read perfectly without even looking at the score sheet....naturally , from a gawdy band, i felt v. v. inferior ..i felt so worthless

that was already a set back for me, a communication barrier as i did not have a common topic for me to communicate with the other band memebers...i am a total kultz at nbs band, i even did my homework &revise my chinese in the midst of playing..that was how slack i was to begin with..iso when topics like NCO camp stuff, mraching tunes, views on tone,dynamics whatsoever...so i felt v.leftout

the aj band really progressed tremendously , its speed was so rapid that i could barely catch up. never in my life , i have seen such high notes, funny key signatures , high high notes, very rapid flowing notes which ends before you knows it ..it was horrible &gripping..i really was so lagging behind, as weeks grew, i felt more left-bind, the gap just became too wide , that i stopeed band for a few weeks..i was on the verge of quitting ....why i wanted to cling onto band so badly i wondered..it was becoz of the prestiage & glamour of being in the band..the syf was also the plus pont , throw in some esplanade performace

the turning point could be when they announced the decicison to scrap cca from university admission..i was over the moon...coupled with this news, & unable to ctach up & pretending to play 60% of the time &feeling inferior &no friends or at least ppl to talk to ..after m moths of sitting on the fence, painful tears , decisions , mental confusion , leaving out in the cold, lone hrs till 9 till i was v. exhausted not to mention demoralised at my inferiority &having no one in band to related to so everybody was so damn good = I QUIT..I OFFICALLY DO!!!!YAYAYA

so i iwll now put in my heart & soul to publications..i was glad i follwed my heart..leadership next?

haiz my new class if 1405, glad that i am still on tri science though i appealed in...9 ppl in the class i know from 1305, but there's another big impending problem..the other clique, how to break into that i wonder, that ah beng guy, can i tok to tt blue shirt guy, he seems fine & " same"..i wonder...i give up on fionding mela liao..i have decided studies studies studies, no matter how hard it takes..i just can't find one, i have spent far too much time hopping, baring false hopes yet doing nothing about it...my joys are far too short lived ...i just wished sad could be happier or more enthu abt movies, mucis like me..sadly (literally)..no..i just want to feel hopeful. as for my friendship stuff, i live for the day , i do not want to be crushed by high expectations anymore, its useless,,, i guess i will lingering like a n outcast for a while...like some ppl i see everyday

aiyo..i am so ashamed to know that my name means handsome &i look like crap..ok

My Fairytale In Reality

could this be my final "heaven " which i have been desiring all my life in aj..for once , i felt comortable , me & finally..(phew...full of relieve) wif a group of people...finally .....after 3 tutorous,temorous 3 mths..FINALLY..i feel HOPEFUL,BRIGHT, ME WITH other people...i felt really invinsible, free of expressison, freeda@......so great
big shout out to sad...my bait for
new people like
benedict & that rv guy...thanlks for including in our nu so called clique in orientation, stickin wif me all the breaks & having so much laughs...haiz..it is really all vcomin thru..i have nt vryed,pained,for notin..sudeenly all the pain just feels nothing..i was glad i ttok the initative!

luv myself

the posting results

The results of your application are as follows:
Posted Institution : ANDERSON JC
Course Name : ANDERSON JC (SCIENCE)

agenda now
1) try to stay awake most of the time in lectures
2)try or rather must be more sociable...more friends..try my v.best to smile,wave,remember names, keep an open mind during orientation
3)have friends..this is v. important.must build up soical life..a must!
4) work /mug/study much harder....must push hard..no more 1st 3 mths excuse anymore!
5) sort out my cca issu e ( i still dun wan band, i am so ready to quit it , the only hindrance?...THAT IDOIT HIM
6)publications..yay!
7) better buck up in PE

Saddiq & saddiqi BBQ Reunion

wow...ok what if my timein aj was so like hell ...i was just glad that i spent some really good & quality time with my good cliques in northbrooks...reminsing the good old days of us gathering together , pouring out the good jokes & laughter , i had never laughed so hyserically ,jovially for a very very very long time..it was just perfect

the occasion : bbq at the wonder twin's home in my surprisely need house, cum greenery cum mini zoo
the people - the newly pimpled saddiqi aka new moon , saddiq , Innovian DX , susu ,izzy ,me , naughty brothers & some other yj friends of saddiq

went for band earlier in the morning , still caught up in the delimma & pretended to play abba gold for the wholecong but hu give a damn..i was more interested in coming to the reunion party, since i have "purposely" missed the 1305 gathering cos i felt nothing for it ..totally zero..but when qiqi called , i just knew that i had to cum....

at 5.20 , i left the house to meet izwan at 5:30 at yishun bus intercahnage,there we will be going taking a walk down memory lane..the northbrooks lane....& for the record first time , izwan or rather mature uncle in safari tecaher's uniform..as usual he really looked well beyond his years.....we chat alot on the JC MT system , catching yp on each other's JC lifes and what the other's are doing...wow just wow

we were the first to arrive the blk 346 , the twins house..i was surprised at saddiq's outgoiningness, despite his flaw , he still had the couraged to have a party..i truly looked up to him..for thet matter....we were the first to arrive , warmly greeted by their parents,then proceeded to their bedroom ,to browse through memorable pics og graduation, update on their lifes , YJC life,anyone...i heard they even went to pulau ubin for a project already....their little bro siddiq..werid name was making such a despeart sign , poking in head whenever we talk..i was actually very touched that the twins & izzzy took the initative to at least have our conversations in english & not stick to malay ,making me feel left out ..thanks alot

aftersome caht ,it was 6 15plus , the phone rang incessantly , we heard that DX has lose his way in some hdb flat nearby & accompanied saddiq down to esort him...dx had a sore throat...he shared that he was going IJC..izwan's schhols & his is going to be an OGL....the first step to being an sc...leadership skills anione?????

by then , saddiq's yj friends have arrived, 2 of them ,one was from farja sec going to PJC & the girl chose the poly route..we did not quite talk much after the formal& polite intros & weak smiles....that was it

soon it was time to tuck in , i was touched by the twin's hospitality ,they took the trouble to accomadate our every needs , ensureing the we were at home...the food by the way was sedap...there was quite a spread on the dining table...curry chicken , warm toast delifrance bread, egg salad, grapes , bee hoon ....everytime the plate was finsihed , the twin's mom will kindly filled up, i think we had at least 3 fill ups...at first the tablewas silent , but soon we warmed up....halfway , susu & his abdn bud arrived.. i was NEVER closed to him so our usasl silence was expected

siddiq is crazy about singapore idol,taufik , simply crazy , he even bought his album & will even danced to the tune..so adorable! the twins had even ordered i think 60 plus sticks of sataty on top of the food...me & izzy took turned to apply live oil on it while siddiq was dtermined to do it himself , but izzy found out that the satay sticks were..gasp.....uncooked , but it was too bad to be checked

High on life came at 830 ..the usual performances by singapore idols,fiona "lala" xie ...i was more interested in looking at the twin's baby pics..they both looked too alike when they were youngered,so cuddly like what iz said....i thouigh they looked like baby kangraroos or hamsters..then we found out saddiq's other yj friend, he is from whitley sec, he knows jixuan & gladys, he got 12 pts but is going poly..just like sf..btw she was supposed to turn up...he bared an uncanny resemblance of kelvin boo from band..their eyes & nose but a much darjer version of mr boooo

later , we retraeted to the dining rm again for more satays , as we sat by the round table , we learend that the church group has broken up ..imagine ivan not close to DX....impossible but true..then izzy shared a joke jian ming retorted to my cheang during ss class , it something about to do with mr cheang coffin having wheels..that totally cracked me! iw as in hysterical fits of laughter, unableto control myself....hahahahahaha..what a ball of time i had

we chat chat ,eat, more chat, proceed to see the finaleof johnny english , by the time it was alreay 11pm.....the latest nite i ever spent w/o my parents..woa...took the bus 800 with izwan home..tired, sore throat,fullto the throat but these were totally unforgettable good precious moments which will alwyas stay to my clsoe hear , my good old friends in nbs...haiz..i will always remeber the moments,da
moments

...i jst can't wait for teh anticiapting speech day on 15 april...hope then we can have a full reunion
izzy ,mela,sf,kelly,grace,twins,ismail,rod ,me ,xj.....woa

Angel letter...hopefully for the better

Hi Lonely05,

Thank you for writing.

The tone of your long email seem to suggest that you are really disappointed with yourself. However, the good thing is you are trying your best to make a change for the better.

You seem to be having difficulties relating to your classmates. Some of us have no problems socializing whereas some of us need to work on that a little bit more. But you have taken the first few but important steps in realizing that there is a genuine concern and it needs to be worked on. So congragulations!!!

Yes, first impressions are important especially when the others do not know you and do not have an opinion of you. How you portray yourself will determine your initial group of friends. People tend to gravitate towards others with similar interest or character. So the next time you introduce yourself, elaborate on your interests, your hobbies etc.

If your interest are different from the others its another opportunity for you to make new friends. For instance, ask the person when he started developing an interest for that particular activity. Ask him more about that activity with a genuine interest in wanting to learn more abt it. And you know what, you have just started a conversation.

With a total stranger (I'm assuming this person is your class or schoolmate), you can start off by greeting and introducing yourself. Ask the person for his name. Try using his name during the conversation so that you will remember his name. Ask the person which school he is from, if any of his former schoolmates are here, if this was his first choice etc. Do note that this is not an interrogation session! You do not have to fire him with questions. Ask, listen to the reply and respond. Very often, the other person is just as nervous; so do not be overly worried. End off the conversation by saying that it was nice meeting him.

Sometimes to break the awkward silence, you need to initiate the conversation. Talk to the person with a genuine interest in wanting to know more abt the person and not so because you have to.

If two people are talking, join in their conversation if it interest you. Sometimes you may just end up laughing at their jokes and not really contributing. But what this does is to ease the tension between you and the rest of the people.

Wave, smile, greet......these are important to sustain any relationship. Interestingly, to develop new ones you have to do the same:- wave, smile, greet....

Handling rejection....that's a huge thing. I am going to suggest that you walk away from the scene when you feel rejected. This will help you calm down and think straight. Once you are calmer, think abt what went wrong. Usually the tendency is for us to blame the others. Ask yourself if you could have done things differently to achieve better results. Work on it again.

Who does not have flaws? Physical flaws, emotional flaws, character flaws.. I am not quite sure what type of flaws you are refering to. If it is a flaw that you are embarrased abt, conceal it in the begining. However, if you are really comfortable with discussing your flaw with another person after sometime, feel free to do so. Eg. You can tell the person (after some time, you decide) that you were really nervous abt talking to him in the begining because you feel nervous when meeting new people. Talk abt it, laugh abt it. All of us have our little fears, our little secrets...these are not flaws.

Teasing is rather common and occurs in school, home, among friends, colleagues etc. Teasing is usually harmless. It becomes a cause for concern when the person crosses the boundry that you have set for yourself. If you are uncomfortable, walk away. When you are calmer, talk to the person abt what he said and how that has affected you. If the person continues to do it, its time to move on.

When you converse with others, listen to what they are saying. Usaully your next question will be related the the reply to the first question. Questions such as eg...."when you say you do XXXX, what do you mean by that?" will show the person that you are conversing with that you are really interested in what he is doing and will also show that you are listening.

Try all these techniques with people that you know first....

Do have a good time in school and do write if you have further queries.

Best Regards

Closure letter ..painful 3 mths

Dear Aunnt Agony ,

it has already been 3 months since i step into Xjc and i had not made a single friend here,yes i can sefely say not even one. I do have an gernerally , on the surface , ok relationship with my classmates. sadly , our scope of conversation is limited to " tissue lending" and copying homework. after that , they will virtually ignore me.
i belong to no clique of friend, so i usually hide in my comfort zone, the library , burying under books

I really wished that I could have something more to talk about besides homework but it always just seems that our interest are really wide different. Theirs are always about soccer & sports stuff. That’s why I am always ignored during their conversation & left in a corner in class- as always.


How can I make friends, all I am asking for is 1 friend, whom I can feel comfortable with. I am totally counting on Orientation 2 as my desperate & final lifeline to open up to more people . I really do not want to be socially dead, ignored & stuck to a neglected corner like in the first 3 months. I am sick of being alone all the time, lingering in the library.

“Luckily” , half of my class is leaving AJ , so this could be my chance to start afresh, I really want to start on a blank new page & erase off all the unpleasant memories in the first 3 months.

Ok, so I am totally messed up my social life in my first Dwelling & class & I really need help now. I have a lot of burning questions in my mind

1) how to make a good first impression?
2) How to just fit in despite having different interests?
3) How to start off a conversation with a total stranger?
4) Is taking the initiative to talk important?
5) If 2 people beside me are talking , should I join them or act as if I am not there?
6) Will people I know appreciative if I wave at them whenever I see them?
7) Is smiling important?
8) How to handle rejection?
9) How to conceal my flaws & still maintain a friendship?
10) If a person tease me , how should I react , should I continue making friends with him?

I realized that my conversations with other people always last up to 2 or 3 sentences, how can I extend it longer? Does making comments such as “ nice weather ! “ help ?

As u can see, I am an introvert who has pathetic social skills & self esteem .

Why other people can always fit in so well, communicate so smoothly while I always stick out like a sore thumb?

Please help me , this is actually a desperate resort to seek help as I have had enough of the heartache for 3 months…I really want to feel happy , something which I haven’t felt for a long long time.

Please reply A.S.A.P
Please help

Thank you
Lonely05

ma first letter of 2005! *try*

Imagine the delight when i saw the delicious cast of IT show , Desperate Housewives ,splashed out on the fold-out cover of 8Days. I used to think that actors were merely script-readsers till i read the cover story in Terri Hatcher..It made me realised how close she could relate to Susan Mayer with her life story. Thanks for the spoilers, contary to your belief , they already made me more glued to the show!

Desperado

oh band , u r so stupid!-dUh

i hate band....it really suck
1) i just cannot play well..really. i have been so used to writing notes dwon on the score & i am totally dependent on it..without em , i hardly can play anything
2) i am always pretending to play half or rather most of da time cos i can hardly catch up..the jc standard i jsut too high , too fast..the other sectional memebers are just too good..they are in another level already & are so so far advanced than me
..i so regert slcaking in band , not taking the music seriously..i sleep & yes even manage to study discrettly ....
3) now the social reasons..plainly, i do not feel a sense of beelonging in this stupid band..the section memebers 99% of the tim eignores my presence, i have no 1 single support friend to count on i am all by my self.......i hate it to be felt out in the cold
4) too much time taken lah...but that's a minor factor if i truly like band
5)for the syf, ok there are like 6 euhpos in ma section & it is so damn obvious i am the most lousy one..can't evebn play preoperly so there's 80 per cent of changes of me NOT getting in...i am NOT GOONA WASTE MY TIME......ON IT IF I AM NOT SELECTED ....SO STUPID

I HATE BAND..ITS TUR NOW.I H VE DECIDED

Da O level results...28fEB05..I GOT 12 PTS..YIPEE!!

It was actually quite an anti-climatic end in which they wiil announced the top scoers without a clue or any indication. awestruck with the now-small size of Nbs hall & the
sudden flow of old schholmates ( old faces ,new looks) , i was very blur. amind all of chatter, Mr mak shouted my name & instucted me , together with lester,leonard & gasp!
surprise surprise all rounder jui bian to form another row. initally , i thought we were seated too backwards & was asked to sit in the front...but by then it was so obvious when there were stares & muttering at us..claiming that
we were the top 4..ok..i really felt comforted & relax for once..i thought hep i am in the top 4 how bad can that be..at least i can get into a j c, tts all.....
ok, it could not be anymore obvious when some latecommers joined our line but were asked to join their class instead...ok my heart rate decrese..finally

our new but unchrismatic new principal miss low gave a boring briefing about how the cohort did for each subject. as usual , it was quite dissapointing to see pure geo, lit & mamly hitting national standards, while the rest failed
ok finally , she said " & the top students are.......

1) Lester tan!! makes history with a record 8 pts...wow..like in some top schools , remember he was actually supposed to go xinmin sec..looks like fate has foun dhim
2) leonard 10 pts....wow..even after all those devoted church sessions & sleeping seesions in class..he wants to remain at Mj....actually ,he sort of like cheated, cince he takes CLB , & has given up on a-maths, he got a nine for it
3) Jui bian ...shocker of the year...11pts..ij for him
4)me...12 pts..finally ,all my hardwork has paid off well.....i walked up , gave a gentle hand shake to mrs low..i wished miss lam was there, i mean she was the one who litearlly watched me grow from day 1..it will be much more meaniful with miss lam'
to shake me hand & say " Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"..hehe..aj or nyj for me?


then we proceeded, the four boys , for a brief phtotcall for mr tang..i think we are goining to be on the school's newsletter for sure!!yaY!!!!!

after that , i went back to collect my leaving cert. & testi. from my ex form teachers , & gave moral support for a nail-bitting izwan & mela still awaiting for their reesults
1) izwan..15pts..wans to take malay elec at TPj.......he's really bravo at malay
2)mela...21 pts....good for him as he can enter poly
3)siew feng...14 pts..what a waste ..she got alll perfect As.....actually the c6 for eng stained her results..wans to go ny...Poly to do business course..all da best for her !
4) vic..saw him on the verge of tears as he too got perect As for all except erm..a d7 for english..a fail..haiz

under the background music of " when u believe" , i had a long talk or rather consuelling advice-seeking session on the road ahead for me..we talk about subject combaination, CCAs, & my social life
she advices that as i will barrely have time for friends..i should put acedemic work as my first priority. after some clique photos at the canteen, we all went..SHOPPING

lastly, i went shopping at northpoint with mela, & ate long john silvers , our fave....as she spill the beans about his relationship with ms lim chee & tt infamous V day's letter!

Byes NBS.....
Hello What?
1305 gathering..izit a chance to improve my socila life in aj..i wonder i will try, i think....haiz the word try is already so vague to me......why? am i soically dead..pray not-lah

Payoff day-Finally-Joyous

so da day finally cum..on 28 feb..the last day of feb , a fateful day, the day where all my friendship scarifices...all my endless, stuck-in -the study room, 12 hour mugging sessions finally pay off..did it

YES!!!YAY I AM REALLY ON CLOUD NINE..THIS IS ANOTHER ALL TIME BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE !!!!!I AM SO ESTALIC WITH JOY, GLAB,RELIEVED..EVERY POSITIVE FEELING ..pls throw in.....glad,elated,jubliant,victorious..all these feelings ..i have not felt for a lon glong time since graduation party,ok..& a little bit of the prelim results....ya & when i found out that i could enter aj ( not stay there)...

the day : 28 feb : was oso oscar day or rather nite....Contary to my papa's usual idotic reaction, he surprisely relented & allowed me to watch the live tele cast of my fave show.....the 77th oscars yaya..maybe it was a way to calm down my nerves..my heart so beating so badly that it came out through my ss....auible..my palms cold & clammy....no i was not nervous if million dollar baby grabs best pic or if cate's dress was falling out.....my reults, the cross roads of my life.....

Since i could not take the pressure of him at home ( it is funny how his sole prescence has the power of making me more stress)..i left the house at 11pm...far earlier than the normal 1:30pm ....paid a little visit to sun plaza's library to return my magazines, eat, get away from reality by sinkin ginto the adventures of landron & sophie in Da vinci code....the main thing was to calm my nerves which could be exploding any minute now..it was very bad. while trying to concentrate to breaking the codes in the novel, mela called ...we met up at yishun MRT at 1.10pm ...seeing mela in his newly-dyed black crop of hair did not managed to soothe down the nerves, it instead pumped more adrenaline in..wat if i did not make it to a JC..now i need to step back again to look at my overall path..i did not ever oonce seriously considered the poly path, that sent shivers down my spine..all i wanted was 20 pts or bleow..any jc will do..any...now , shit, i could not breathe properly & needed gulps of water to cool down.hands were cold & clammy..i must admit it was indeed a sense of de ja vu to see northbrooks again after 2 months, it looks fresher , brighter , no longer prison school ..as there were different colour codes ..shades of green,pink,purple,yellow were pained on the school once plain walls..it made the school more vibrant & lively..NBS needed it in a despreate attempt oto increase enrolment..5 classes is really depressing news

first up , we met wei lun at e front gate..threw our last wave at YE sheng " mercedes" mom..they r in ( surprisely MJC & tpjc.....)..the familier wave of air, the loud chatter , the tinge of nervouness & excitement was ineveitable..we met up with our usual clique grace,kelly chua, queenie siew feng , xiu jun , mel me, wen tup to our fave spot to pay a visit to the libabry & of course the lovable mdm ng...now i walk with an aura of courage,,maybe be course i am olde rnow , more confident ,unlike last time i was always trying to dodge waya form all the teasings..the library seem more corwded & larger, whiter....then i saw " him"..that beast..he llooked wow..ok

barely able to contain our excietemtn, me & mel wen tfor a mini nbs self-recovery or to see how nbs has changed & elvoed..there's a new school television announcement system & more colour changes..nothing much changed in the canteen except for some silvery chairs..there we met the famous JASEL...which made me felt small,cold,unpopular yet gain but hu cares ..aster ,ht,jjjj ..thy are all history
chat with recycle man hung hwee for a while before proceeing to da hall for da moment..YES IT HAS ARRIVED!!!!...DRUMROLLS PLS